nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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