hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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