She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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