I'm so fucking centered right now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
