wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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