Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
