I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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