You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
