I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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