This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
not ubering you a puppy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
