Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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