it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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