Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
