I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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