I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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