he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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