I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
