Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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