you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
