I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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