The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
