STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
