They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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