hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
