He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize