he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
