So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
