My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
