so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
