dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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