were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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