So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
