An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
