brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
