Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
