We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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