There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
