Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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