Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
