I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
