someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I touched a dick in church today
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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