i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
