I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
