He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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