me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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