My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
