I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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