well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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