the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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