is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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