I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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