watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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