I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
