and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
