so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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