i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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