Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
