Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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