dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
