I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
