I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
