Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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