I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
