If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
