so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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