Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
