The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
